Life after shooting a film

I've been home for 2 weeks now and I think I've officially lost my game face. The intensity and focus necessary to DP a film has left my body or is just simply dormant. The life and identity that I carved out for myself in Michigan is vapor and I'm slowly weaving myself into the fabric of family and friends. The scenes that we shot are no longer catalogued in my brain, sometimes images from setups come and visit and then leave just as quickly as they appeared. I've had empty moments but not any real depression to speak of. There's a saying that one's commitment to a task should burn like a fire and no traces of ones self should be left behind. That idea sums up my time on the film, I gave EVERYTHING that was within my reach. I do have this fear that everyone will realize that I did a bad job and they'll call me soon and blow the whistle and reveal that I am a charlatan. I know that's not true but insecurity is never grounded in truth.

I liken the whole experience of shooting a film to putting on a Super Hero costume. As a DP, you are blessed with super powers because you have the power to light the darkness and make the invisible, visible. In that process there are conflicts, celebrations, stress, and epiphanies. You don't hold onto grudges or wallow in unfair things that may have been said, you're teflon, impervious to the trappings of normal life. At the end of everyday, if you've done good work then you're a hero and for that day you have attained perfection by capturing magic and beauty.

At some point, the costume, or shield of armour must come off and then you have to find your old life. You can bring your new lessons with you and you may have an extra twinkle in your eye but make no mistake, the costume or shield does NOT belong in your family life. Or at least I play it that way, it seems to work. "What fools these mortals be" it's time for me to embrace the gravity of my limitations and learn to hold a grudge again, my grip has gotten weak.

Lastly, for now, or until next time. Diamonds are created because of pressure and time and I think films are the same. The collective pressures that a crew endure and the multiplied man hours combined with the raw material (script) create a gem (sometimes) and you hope that the beauty will be appreciated by others. In my heart I believe that we captured beauty and that our film will be appreciated, I just wish instant gratification was more instantaneous. In a year we'll know how well we did.

In the meantime - commercials. Can anyone say Vitacrave?

The next film is coming soon. Does anyone like David Sedaris?

The 4th and Final week

Here we are. One last week of trying to obtain perfection. The heart of the movie,the love story is in our sights. We've filmed hundreds of people picking soy beans at night, choreographed complicated football plays with multiple characters and multiple points of view. Some of those scenes are filmed at 500 frames per second, can you imagine the amount of light needed to expose an image like that? the tricky part is lighting it too match the rest of the game so that it matches. All of these logistical aerobics are only prologue to what we have to capture this week. If you could go back in time and meet your life partner as a teenager, how would you change things? would you?

These are the scenes that drew me to this project, they shade the football part of the film and bring new light to the choices we make and why we make them. We have AMAZING actors! last week Christine Lahti just killed us/me with her performances. God. what a pro.

While I've not given loads of details about the techniques in filming or DP jargon, all of which I find kind of boring because who really cares about process. What I will say is that my job is create an environment where the actors can play and feel comfortable. I have the best seat in the house, through the eyepiece, I'm the first to witness a performance and that is one of the finest privileges of my lifetime, so far, in my 43 years on this earth, not counting my family, or Mom's potato chip fried chicken.

My body is wired to nights now and we are shooting days. I'm sleeping about 3 hours and my clearest thought is incoherent at best. I'm super sensitive and my feelings get hurt at the smallest things,I'm moody, insecure and half depressed but elated at the beauty that we capture everyday. I can't even blame PMS. WTF?

My point is - here we are, at the altar, our bodies sacrificed, our defenses nil and our emotions are as raw as the food at any LA east side party. How can we do our best work? My answer is that sleep is overrated during these circumstances and being tired invites clarity. I don't have the time or energy to engage the multitude of nuances and subtext, I only have the energy to be present and precisely where I am. In the moment.

That, for me is the most important place to start in capturing truthful and beautiful work.

Hey, I'm really sorry for the psycho babble and for the mis-direct. The premise of this whole blog was to illuminate the job and process of a DP at work. I solve those problems all day and night and the last thing I want to do is write about them. Final note on this for now:

Love your actors unconditionally and LISTEN to the Director. If you want to be heard, you have to listen. If you are sensitive to the needs of the scene than you will find your voice and create beauty. That is the process that I surrender to everyday and it seems to work.

Lastly, it also helps if you have a tactile orgasm every time you use the tools of your trade. The new RED Mysterium camera - Amazing. Angenieux and Cooke lenses - Amazing. Balloon light at night? - Amazing. Whispering about F-Stops all day and quality of light? - well, that's just plain divine. To see an actor (we can call them people) in your light and lens and then both of you surrendering yourselves to create a moment of beauty that will hopefully inspire? That is why I live! (except for my family, or Mom's potato chip fried chicken)

(in re-reading this I realize that I use the words "truth and beauty" about 1000 times. That would make me a Bohemian, I did love Moulin Rouge")

Best foot forward

just a shot of the band that I took from my iphone. there is dramatic beauty that haunts me from every angle, I can't even go 10-1 without seeing things to shoot.

(this is called the time tunnel rig, it is of my own design and hopefully, without going into details it will capture an aspect of football that hasn't been seen before) please send all good vibes my way so that we pull it off)

What an amazing week, there is so much to recap but I just give you the highlights. Everyone was on edge last weekend because Kurt Russell had landed and we all had to get past our wonkiness and convince him that we indeed professional and worthy of his experience. On Sunday morning, Kurt called our director, Don and asked for a last minute script meeting. So, in a hurry Don grabbed some jeans that were drying on the shower head in his bathroom, excitedly, he pulled too hard and the entire shower head came off and water started gushing out and it flooded his room and the two of the rooms that were adjacent.The fire alarms went off because the the water shorted some of the electricity. Don, still trying to make his meeting on time had too find some dry clothes, the only ones available were the pink pajamas and the half t-shirt that his wife was a wearing. Don showed up too Kurts hotel room, the luxury suite, through security wearing his wife's pajamas. Kurt, the producers, everyone howled with laughter. The ice was broken and we had a stellar week. We shot locker room scenes that will make grown men weep and football action that will tickle the hair on the back of any sports fan. We also had Barry Sanders in a few scenes as the opposing coach, what a sweet man. He also signed a football for me.
The aspect of our experience that is most rewarding is the entire town of Grand Rapids is behind us. We have thousands of extras who show up for free to fill the stands and the soy bean fields. We have been in the paper or on the news everyday. Wherever I go in town, people know that I'm part of the film and they are so nice. I'm moist eyed while writing this but our film is about community, the kind of community that Frank Capra captured. We have 2 weeks left and I really feel that we are on the verge of creating magic. I wish that I could post stills of our actors but you all have to wait for the film. 2 more weeks!!!

End of Week 1

We are Pirates,most certainly. We sail into a location hoisting sails, swinging from ropes, our own specific language echoing within a controlled ball of chaos and passion. Imagine Pigpin and the Tasmanian Devil on a date. A Tornado within a dust cloud. That's us, a film crew in the first hour of every day and then multiplied by 12. The view from the deck of our Pirate ship is topsy turvy at best, imagine being on the high seas and your viewpoint of the horizon line is through the confines of a telescope. All the while, the clock is ticking and every minute that goes by or is wasted in one less minute that you can commit to film. The trick is to stay calm and find the viewpoint within the confusion and create a harmonious environment, a sandbox where the camera and actors can dance,explore and hopefully not dig their way to China.
The first week we were all figuring each other out and finding our way. But, in front of the lens we found magic. The performances by Brian Presley and Melanie Lynskei were spot on. Good actors inhabit the lens and great actors inhabit the space beyond. I wish I could post stills from our dailies or shots of the actors but it would ruffle some feathers. What I can post are some of the moments that happen outside of our lens, the other worldly nature of movie lights and natural beauty.

Next week we start Football, most of our scenes are outside and it's supposed to rain all week.

Kurt Russell, our coach is here and by all accounts he's a great guy, his sleeves are rolled up and he's ready to go. I'll meet him tomorrow at 9am, I can't wait, he's worked with the best, Conrad Hall on Tequila Sunrise.

More later, I have a "Time Tunnel" camera rig that I want to show you.

First day down and nineteen to go!

I've been doing this for awhile now, almost 20 years and I still have trouble sleeping the night before the first day of a shoot. The reasons being practical or science fiction. Practical - how will the crew mesh? Science Fiction- Will gravity be different and did I forget how to see?

Our day one threw a few curve balls, the talent was delayed in makeup, it took a few tries to get the rehearsal process down. We drove in hot cars and the prosthetic age makeup started to buckle and melt. (mind you we have one of the best on our crew, Barney Burnham, won an academy award for Star Trek). Camera batteries had temper tantrums and just decided in the middle of takes not to work. Etc..
The coverage on the last scene of the day was compromised but..we got "Magic Hour" and the combination of sun and clouds created a beautiful light source. It cost some overtime but it was worth it, hope the producers don't read this.

Melanie Lynskei- blew my mind. Great actors have a way of inhabiting the earth, realms beyond what the camera sees.

All in all, we were thrown the right kind of challenges and we became a cohesive unit, capable of thinking on our feet.
We made our day and only compromised in a few areas. That is not okay in my book. We cant let challenges beat us into mediocrity.
I rate us a C+.

We will improve today and I will post some pictures.

More later,

1st day down and 19 to go!

The Camera test, Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

The Camera test is today and we have a list of things to explore.The new Red Mysterium camera is arguably one of the largest steps towards replicating what the human eye sees in low light.This is exciting for many reasons, the most obvious being night exteriors and the need for fewer lights. Also the option of shooting a scene illuminated only by a campfire, what I'm looking forward too exploring are the nuances that we can find in Day interiors. I was watching "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" shot by the late Conrad Hall. The sense of poetic naturalism is stunning and even more impressive when you consider the amount of light it took expose an image back then and the amount of skill and time to bend the light into those nuances. DP's as of late have been standing on the shoulders of Gregory Crewdson, the still photographer in their stylings of Night Exteriors. I think Crewdson stood on the shoulders of Conrad Hall. Hence the quote.More Later!!

We landed our coach!

First news is that we landed our coach.......Kurt Russell.
We're all over the moon - The investors, producers and those of us that will get to work closely with him. I love his integrity as an actor and I can't wait to study him with my microscope..I mean lens.

I had a dream, or at least I should have had this dream because it would be the perfect metaphor for the final week before prep. Here goes - A surfer paddling into a wave so huge that he can't see over the top of it,the power and speed of the wave is unknown. All that is known is that the Surfer can keep his balance on the board in all conditions. He knows the angles and balance techniques to adapt to anything he's experienced.

I'll stop there but you get it.

We scouted with the full crew this week.I'm excited, it's always illuminating to meet new people and peer into their lives and get a sense of how they work, how they solve problems, operate under stress.

I have developed a new camera rig to help tell the "Time Travel" aspect of our story.
More on that later.

A period.

The hardest part of this gypsy/ carnie existence is spending time away from my family. You can never get time back and mourning it's passage is what most of great art is about. I'm on a plane, flying back into Grand Rapids after spending the weekend at home. The best part of it all is the skin to skin nothingness that passes time in the most sublime way. Pain and sacrifice make great art or at least valiant attempts at great art. Time will decide what the judgment of our endeavors will be.

Fuck. I hate this. My eyes are drowning behind a layer of tears.

I just hope that this sacrifice is worth it. everyday I will exhaust myself for the betterment of the film. There's a saying that ones commitment to something should be like a fire. After it's burnt, it leaves no trace of itself.

That sort of effort is the only way to properly spend this time away from my family.

I have a Sunset scout as soon as I land. Thank god.

Planning football

Yesterday was probably the best day in a prep period that I've ever had. I learned more about a sport, gained appreciation for a genre of filmmaking and explored the art and arc of character development. We have to get it right!

Our film is a love story with a football theme. All in total there will be maybe 25- 30 scripted pages of football and that translates to the same number of minutes on the screen, give or take. Because the nature of shooting football, moving cameras around to cover the plays from different angles, evolving the love story between the characters and the planning of our " secret techniques" that will propel us to the emotional climax of the film, there are a lot of elements to juggle. Looking at football beyond the sport but as a prism in which you view the character of someone is an enlightening process. The plays and the camera angles take on new meaning as your appreciation for the game evolves. Beyond that, sitting in a room with 4 passionate, intelligent, experienced people who all have a love sports movies and who's soul interest is to evolve the genre and tell a new story is a wholly sacred experience. The energy in that room will be translated to the screen, I promise that. Every moment on the screen will have thousands of human hours and sacrifice behind it. Where else can you get that much for the price of a ticket?

Insight: the truly talented people in the business don't have egos because they have nothing to hide. Mark Ellis, that is you my friend.

The town of Coopersville, Michigan is so supportive of us and they promise to fill the stands with 3000 extras. The local news stations from Grand Rapids came out to the field to meet us yesterday, they interviewed Don, our Director and Mark Ellis, our sports coordinator to try and promote the film and get the word out. I threw the football on the field with the AD, (assistant director) Brian, I cant throw a spiral to save my life. As a matter of fact, I think everyone lost respect after watching me throw a football.

The currency gained from planning great shots was spent, wasted, by throwing a football. Damn. The boulder is at the bottom of the hill again. Talk to you later.

And it's a ...........

Push,

Yes, we've delayed another week until we start filming. We are soooooo close to getting a great actor to play the coach, he would round out the cast and then we would be so solid and all of our efforts would be consolidated and fortified. I personally like the woman from Glee as our coach but no one will listen to me.I guess that's why Im the DP.

I'm reminded of a quote by Matisse or someone like that, it basically goes. " Be methodical and exacting in your organization so you can be violently original in your work." I like that and it sums up my entire process.

Today we meet with the infamous Mark Ellis, he's the man behind every major sports film in the past 15 years, he designs the plays and coordinates our vision to the field. The fact that we have him, AAA talent on our paltry budget speaks to the power of our script and the belief that we can make a good movie.

Lastly, i go home tomorrow for the weekend.
The weather is clear, seas are calm and the view from the crows nest looks good.
Never trust a good day or let it lull you into complacency.

More on that later.

Chapter 6 " pushing hard to go deeper"

2 weeks away from shooting and I can honestly say that I've never worked so hard in prepping a film. I know I just issued a challenge to all my future employers but Im okay with that. 14 hour prep days filled with shot listing, location scouting, meetings,etc. I love hard work, especially when its invested in something that is grounded in vision and integrity.Don our director is committed so deeply to bringing this film to its most perfect realization and I am his partner in this. He's making me better and that excites me.

How can I not view this experience through my new perspective of battling cancer and winning? I'm stronger and wiser and I feel that my work will vibrate with a new intensity and depth. Shoot me for saying this but I feel that a lens is more than a prism for viewing, it can also be a diving rod, a seeker of the truth and conveyor of beauty. Suffering creates depth and depth deepens ones experience therefore a deeper well from which to draw. The real trick as a DP is listening and not seeing. If you can hear and feel the intent of a scene,the root of the idea then you'll know where to put the camera.

Christine Lahti and Melanie Lynskei are going to be in Touchback. How lucky are we? 2 amazing women with depth,warmth,magnetism and passion. More on that later.

Lastly, I don't think anything good comes from coasting.There has to be conflict,a disruption of the norm to create something new. I've lived my life seeking peace and harmony but that pursuit can also coax one into easy decisions and mediocrity. I hope to find a balance, a way to lead and inspire and also challenge and enlist peoples best.

Capter 5

I've always had a theory that when making a movie, you haven't really started until you sacrifice something that is near and dear to you. It can be a precious plan, a preconceived idea, your composure, etc.The sacrifice must be one that hurts, that cuts deep.

Why?

The reason for this is that it takes a life to create life. A movie becomes a living thing that breathes and lives and can be a transformative experience. Something with that kind of power has to be forged from the toil of many. A great film can influence lives forever, change the way the way one views a situation, influence their actions and thereby redirect the course of their lives.

Am I crazy? Probably, but you've read this far so give me one more shot.

Everyone that makes a film and loves the script is convinced that it can be an amazing one. (sssssh I'm talking about the "A" word and yes-a passe institution whose approbation still means the world, even to the most cynical.) Sometimes you can reach so far that you fall over. That's where I'm heading, I just hope that my wisdom will keep me from falling over, weeble out my worble. The kool aid tastes good and I drink it everyday.

The protective shield of cynicism robs all pleasure from living and ultimately giving. A film needs your blood and absolute commitment. How else can it be born?

Cynicism is a condom that can't be worn, especially in this process.

I guess I'm done with that one. sorry if I lost you. Hopefully this post will be as cringe inducing in time as my clothing choices in 1989.

Chapter 4

I've seen more locations in the last week than most people (except for mailmen) see in 6 months. We have finally found the location of the main character and the synchronicity between what's been written on a page and what one finds in the world never ceases to amaze me. This farm has angles that both support what has been written and what was shot by a splinter unit last year in a different state. The level of detail (which I'll spare my single reader) in which this location works is astonishing. It's now up to our producer to convince the owners to upend their lives for 3 weeks. Good Luck Carissa!
Still no word on our "big fish" actor but at least we have a location to shoot the other half, well, 1/4 , actually 1/6 of the cast.

Last night I had to mediate a conflict between my nearly teen daughter and my wife. I was on the phone until 12:30 am. We all found peace and the storm passed. That is both the blessing and curse in being away. I miss my life and the process of seeing my kids evolve but my perspective by being away also lends a "crows nest" perspective to the situation and from that vantage point I can see clearly without the turbulence of emotions. It does get lonely up here sometimes though.Adulthood is kidnapping my daughter and we can't help at all.

My wife is on the front lines and God bless her for that. I am performing a duty by working but I LOVE it as well. Imagine if ice cream and french fries were the healthiest food you could eat, that's sort of it.

Lastly, today we start to devise a way to shoot the football scenes. We have a magnetic football board and a macro lens, and they call this a job?
All the guys I'm working with play basketball as well, there's a court at our hotel.

More from "Camp Bromance" later.

How does one prep without a director?

Here I am, the first week almost complete and our director / writer is back in LA trying to wrangle our "big name" actor. Don had to visit him on the set (behind the scenes) of Larry King the other night so they could have a conversation about flushing out a few scenes. All good ideas but god, it takes a lot of work to land a name. The funny thing is that we have other amazing actors in the wings, ready to sign on once our big fish does.

Hopefully all of this will come to completion in the next week. It's been valuable to be here and get up to speed on the town, weather, time change, food, crew, etc. I've made an incredibly detailed database that will aid communication and organization. What's that quote by Matisse, or someone French, "Be orderly in your life so you can be violently original in your work". I subscribe to that!

So, we've pushed shooting by one week and that gives me 5 weeks of prep. Never have had so much time to second guess myself. Being a film-monk is not that bad, I have my guitar, mandolin, bike and cameras.

I did a "stereo camera" test today. I've been dreaming of this shot for about a month and it didn't pan out the way I thought it would. I got depressed and then lost my patience. Fuck. The boulder is at the bottom of the damn hill again and I have to push it back up. What else is a life for?

Back to the drawing board tomorrow. A few revisions will help.

Last night Grand Rapids had the 2nd largest lightning storm on record. I awoke to a flash and a bang and thought about going outside to shoot. I fell back asleep before I could motivate myself. Probably best I didn't. I can't help but think that it was a welcoming from all of the elements. It can't be a curse right?

And away we go. Who will read this? Okay, nevermind..my insecure voices are not welcomed here. My first full day in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I'm here to shoot a film called "Touchback". It's a highschool football movie with a time-travel twist. The story is amazing and I hope that we can make a great film. We are still trying to lock down actors, big ones, really big ones. More on that later.
Grand Rapids as a place...well it's beauty is not such that hits you over the head once you see it, more on that later.

Today I'm going into the office and plan on doing a list of small organizational tasks so that when all of the information that comes, script notes, shot ideas, etc. I 'll have a place to put them.
Don, our director has flown back to LA to have a meeting with one of our huge actors, more on that later. Don will try and convince him to be in the movie.

GOOD LUCK Don!